With my birthday coming up, a friend (or so he thinks) sent me a note about the advantage of growing older.....

THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40

• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• No one expects you to run into a burning building.
• People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won't wear out.
• You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
• You can live without sex but not without glasses.
• You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
• You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
• You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
  room.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• Your eyes won't get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to payoff.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
  service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
  them either.
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
• You can't remember who sent you this list.

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

• Sag, You're it.
• Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
• 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
• Kick the bucket.
• Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
• Doc Goose.
• Simon says something incoherent.
• Hide and go pee.
• Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
• Musical recliners.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE

• You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
• Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you
  to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not
  amused, you shoot him.
• You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
• The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you
  four hours of decent rest.
• You change your underwear after every sneeze.
• You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field
  trip to Chippendale's.